Friday, 23 May 2014

#FilmFriday: BoxOffice - BAD NEIGHBOURS (2014)

Bad Neighbours is the try-hard 'comedy' that should be a surefire hit, but is really just an editorial on how Australian the usually lovable Rose Byrne isn't, and how far past his High School Musical days Zac Efron really is…no really, he just wants to prove it to you, if only you’ll let him!

Newlyweds, new parents, and newly grown up; Mac and Kelly Radner (Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne) have just sunk their last pennies into the new dream house they bought to raise their baby daughter in. Before they have the opportunity to unpack their place settings however, the neighbours from HELL move in, in the very-ripped shape of Zac Efron – who uses any and every excuse possible to be topless (mostly for no apparent reason); best bud / wingman Pete (Dave Franco), and the rest of their college fraternity brothers.

Riddled with trust issues and slightly nuts (from baby oil poisoning, I'm sure); Frat President Teddy, and his smarter 2nd in command Pete devise a plan to embrace 'The Old Guys Next Door', in an attempt to get them onside, and stop them complaining about their many, intended disturbances. Worried about getting old before their time, and always missing the party, Mac and Kelly jump at the chance to prove their youth still exists. Getting along extraordinarily well proved a shock to all – between Mac and Teddy especially, who shared a disturbing affinity – one was afraid he would become the other; the other afraid he had lost all semblance of the other, that had existed inside of him until only a short time ago.

The new bromance bond was short-lived howeverbroken as quickly as it had been forged, when the next night's party was even more raucous than the first (and the old guys from next door didn’t warrant an invite). Making what he thought was an anonymous call, Mac reports the disturbance keeping his baby girl awake, to the Police, reneging on the one promise he made the mentally disturbed collegiate, with nothing but his looks going for him.

And so begins the Frat boys' reign of terror that starts at ridiculous, and only goes downhill from there (a homemade dildo emporium to raise funds for their flooded basement? I mean, really?! The only thing worse than that entire idea, was Kelly's supposedly guilty expression, when an insecure Mac asks what kind of self-respecting female would buy one – truly painful). One pathetic fight between the young besties, an even worse 'dance battle' between Teddy and Mac (the latter of whom actually wins), and a gratuitous 3-way kiss between Kelly, Pete, and Teddy's girlfriend Brooke later; it becomes clear that not even the innately funny Lisa Kudrow as the good headline-grabbing College Dean, can save this film. Not even when she tries to diffuse attention from the used condom one of the frat boys dumped on the Radner's lawn, which ends up in their baby daughter's mouth. Actually, that part's just plain sick.

The war escalates to the point of danger, when the boys steal the airbags from the family's car, and fix them to places Mac would never suspect, despite Pete's repeated warnings that Teddy is going too far. Outsmarted by 'The Old Guys' at the final hurdle, Teddy decides to throw the end of school party to end all end of school parties, and seal their fate in the history books forever (Fraternity, not World). Successfully setting the boys up to break the rules of their probation 3 weeks before they graduate, the Radner's only have one move left to swing the win on home.

In typical fashion, Mac and Teddy square off, leaving Kelly free to break into Teddy's bedroom, and unleash the kids' 'special weapon' for lighting up the neighbourhood. The earlier-mentioned showdown was so pitiful, that I was embarrassed for them; so much so, that I genuinely wanted to cry – and that was before Seth Rogen began trying to use the leftover homemade dildos as nunchucks. Yes, I’m really serious.

Bad Neighbours is a horrific tale of stupidity at its most desperate, which is understandable for Zac Efron, but Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne are so much better than roles that are one-step above porn when you're desperate for cash. In fact...nope, this was far worse than starring in porn and gifting it your Grandparents for Xmas. It's a waste of time for all concerned, that had all the ingredients for a great comedy, but somehow, the cake just BOMBED. Over, and over, and over again; when what someone merciful should've done, was burned every original negative in the canister.

Let us never speak of this again. Ever. Starting in 2 minutes and 27 seconds

I'M SORRY to have done something so cruel to you.

Please forgive me.
ES ;)